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  • Jonathan Shuerger

The Six Stories We Need, Not the Ones We Deserve (Humor)


Every writer struggles to come up with ideas.


This is obvious. Just look at the garbage coming out of Hollywood. Yeah, guys, we definitely need Transformers 8: Rise of Krypton.


I have some ideas to pitch at you to counter this wave of mediocrity. If we're going to be recycling old franchises over and over again, let's add some pizzazz, shall we?


Anu of Green Gables


An ancient Egyptian princess is discovered by an elderly British couple and raised as their own. After a series of hilarious escapades involving accidental necromancy and the entombment of her schoolmarm, Anu realizes that her true power has been in her all along.


Batman vs. My Little Pony


They're a band of friends on a mission to bring the magic of friendship to those who need it most. He's a solitary crimefighter bent on preserving his personal space. Who will win out in the epic showdown between spontaneous dance numbers and justice?


Transformers 8: Rise of Krypton


Seriously, though. Just get Michael Bay and Zack Snyder in the same room for an hour. This'll happen.


Star Wars Episode X: The DM Was Drunk


Feels like a continuation of VII-IX, to be honest. But hey, if people are willing to pay for awful plotlines and ruined characters, there's gold in them hills!


Wayne Austin's Pride and Prejudice


Mr. Darcy realized Bennett was only into him for his house and takes off for America. He meets Davy Crockett and the two of them help put down the Injun Rebellion in Tennessee while singing manly ballads.


Fat and Furious


Vin Diesel and Gabriel Iglesias star in this action-packed sequel. Vintage muscle cars duke it out with tricked out taco trucks, and the explosions all smell like salsa.


Hey, I've done my part. Vote for your favorite in the comments, or leave your own!


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